All right, I just saw the movie 300, and while it didn't exactly suck, it could have been so much better. I officially want to kill whoever has made it a rule that every historical film since Gladiator (i.e., King Arthur, Troy, Passion of the Christ, etc.) must include yowling, vaguely Islamic-sounding singing on the soundtrack. And the animated bursts of flying blood from every sword-stroke made me feel like I was watching somebody else play a videogame. Then there was the harping narration, which made the whole movie feel like the world's longest opening montage.

That said, there was some cool stuff, like the gigantic platform that Xerxes gets lugged around on, and the visuals in general (although the hunchbacked guy is really poorly done, especially post-Gollum). The acting is big and hammy but not bad for the most part, with lots of manly emoting and screaming charges into certain doom. But by the time we get to the end credits, which utilize Frank Miller's elegant, minimalist artwork, we suddenly realize the perfect half-hour cartoon it should have been.